How to End a Long Term Relationship

Have you ever heard a friend say that breaking up with their lover is too difficult for them? Truth be told, it might be difficult to know how to end a long-term relationship. Many other close connections are significantly different from our bonds with serious partners. It’s difficult to envisage your days without someone you’ve known for a long time, let alone the shifting dynamics of friendships or the support of each other’s families.

It’s fine to decide you’re ready for a new chapter in your life when your heart tells you it’s time.

We’re not going to sugarcoat how difficult it is to end a relationship, but there’s no excuse to stay in one that isn’t working. In the long term, it will hurt your chances of finding a compatible companion (if that is your ultimate goal). Plus, being single again doesn’t have to be scary: you can discover that living life on your own can help you reconnect with yourself. So, rather than fretting about how to end a long-term relationship, let’s face our concerns and figure out how to do so in a way that is fair to both sides.

Read on for expert advice on how to break up with someone you’ve been dating for a long time.

How To End a Long Term Relationship.

Prepare yourself in advance.

It’s critical to prepare yourself for the breakup once you’re sure you’re ready to have the chat. You may be worried about how your partner will react, or how the change in your regular routine will affect your mental health. It’s natural to be concerned about how terminating a relationship may affect your life.
“In planning to break up with someone, you’ll go through a fair amount of distress yourself. Depending on how long you’ve anticipated the breakup, you’ll likely experience some form of anxiety or dread as you look ahead to taking unpleasant steps,”  says psychologist Loren Soeiro, Ph.D., ABPP. 
Those difficult stages may appear unattainable at first, but with a little planning, you can make the transition much simpler for both parties.
 
To obtain a notion of how the conversation should go, start by thinking about what you need to say—and how you’ll say it. You’ll also want to pick a time and location that allows for an open and honest discussion (for example, approaching this talk over a brunch date may not be the best idea).
 
Breaking up with a long-term partner, no matter how frightened you are, is probably best done in person; terminating an important period in your lives over the phone or text can hurt even more.

Be truthful.

You don’t want to hurt your partner, but you must be honest about why you want to end your relationship. As difficult as it may be to tell the truth, you will be assisting the other person in understanding why the relationship is no longer working for you by providing context. Consider a few ways to break the news that explain your reasons in a compassionate manner as you prepare for the talk.
 
Expert Robert Taibbi, L.C.S.W. advises, “Talk more about you and your feelings, rather than the other and their behavior.” “You don’t want to be angry, and you certainly don’t want to blame.” Instead, you should be as cool as possible, as clear as possible, and provide an explanation that can be stated in one or two phrases.
 
Breakups are difficult enough as it is, so don’t make it worse by making it appear that way. Consider how you’d react if you were in their shoes: if the tables were turned, you’d probably expect your S.O. to be honest and kind.

Inform Friends of the Situation

How to end a long term relationship

Allow yourself as much time as you need, but the sooner you tell close friends and family, the more genuine it will feel (plus, you’ll have someone to talk to about it). This isn’t to say you shouldn’t criticize your ex, especially in front of mutual friends.
 
“Naturally, your family, friends, and coworkers will want to know what happened. Make a list of who you want to share with and what you want to discuss with them ahead of time [while keeping in mind] people who aren’t in your close circle “Taibbi agrees. Knowing what you’ll say ahead of time will assist you avoid becoming flustered. Something along the lines of “We’re no longer together—unfortunately, it didn’t work out” might suffice.

Change your things

How to end a long term relationship

It’s a good idea to plan how you’ll trade your belongings after the dust has settled. To get beyond the worst of it, consider “pulling off the Band-Aid.” You’ll both be able to leave the hurt in the past sooner if you remove these reminders from your lives.
 
You can select a way that suits your needs. You might decide to leave each other’s belongings with a mutual friend or send them in the mail if it helps you move on. However, some people prefer the final step of closure, so be empathetic if your ex prefers to meet in person to say their goodbyes.

Make Sure Contact is being discussed.

How to end a long term relationship

Some of us choose not to keep in touch with our ex-partners, while others find it easier to adjust to life as a single person if they can still contact them. To give yourself time to acclimate to your new life, it could be better to avoid communicating with each other at first. “Rather than reacting, be proactive. Define your own communication policy and create restrictions, such as not responding to text messages or only talking on the phone at particular times “Taibbi agrees.
 
If your ex is having trouble accepting the breakup, Taibbi recommends being consistent with your conversations. If you’ve decided to cease communicating, fight the temptation to answer when you’re lonely so you don’t convey mixed messages.

Take Care of Yourself

How to end a long term relationship

Even if the decision to end a long-term relationship was yours, the circumstance can be emotionally draining for all parties. Make a plan for coping when you’re having problems being alone or missing your ex. Finding a new pastime to occupy your mind, or focusing on spending time with your pals, are two examples. Whatever path you take, it’s critical to deal with the situation rather than avoid it.
 
It’s alright to let go of whatever self-blame you may have; every relationship is different, and most individuals take a few tries to figure out what’s correct. Keep your personal best interests in mind whether you’re relishing the freedom of single life or fantasizing about your ideal spouse. Don’t feel terrible if you take a mental health day with your old pals, Ben & Jerry, when things become tough.
 
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