Top 10 Best Pieces of Relationship Advice From The Most Experienced And Real Relationship therapists.

 


Your gyno will give you an annual exam. You eat well to prevent disease and keep fit. But what can you do to maintain a healthy relationship? I’m guessing not much. This is a shame because good relationship advice, especially when it comes form professionals in the psychology field, can take any solid-gold love and make it diamond-level strong.


 

Most of us operate in crisis mode for the relationship, only paying sincere attention to problems that need fixing,” says Seth J. Gillihan PhD, a Philadelphia-based clinical psychologist. “But a relationship can be likened to a garden. Even when it’s flourishing, weeds can grow on it .”

“A relationship is like an overgrown garden. Even when it’s flourishing, weeds can take root and grow.”

This is why there has been an increase in “happy couples counselling”–seeing an expert long prior to the thought of Splitsville ever coming up–deserves praise. This proactive approach, which is required for Catholic marriage, will help you to smoothen over any small (or large) issues and simply increase the love that you have for one another every day.

Here are the top 10 best pieces of relationship advice from the most experienced and real relationship therapists.

1. Always assume the best.

Woman: relationship advice

You can find something in your S.O.’s actions, regardless of whether you are optimist or not. Because relationships are intimate, it’s only natural. However, 9/10 times, if not all 10, your partner will not try to upset you.

Gillihan says, “Especially when our partner is already in an irritated condition, we have a hair trigger to take things the wrong direction and assume the worst.” You’re likely annoyed that your partner doesn’t let you off the hook if they feel personally offended or attacked by something we do.

Keep in mind, however, that many of our reactions are based upon how we feel about something.

Gillihan explains that we feel about ourselves more than what someone else thinks about us. Try this: Today, in the morning, say to yourself, “Today, I’m going for the most benign interpretation of whatever comes my way.”

He says that this mentality allows you to be free from yourself and can help set an example for your partner to follow. What is the result? Both of you can concentrate on the positives and bounce back quickly from any “bad” moments.

2. Take note of projections.

Angry man: relationship

One thing that can cause confusion in interpretations is projection, a psychological term.

Projecting is simply when you project your feelings on someone else or about yourself. Although it is a subconscious habit, projection can lead you to believe that your partner feels the same way as you.

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If you have trust issues due to past cheating (I mean fair), then you may interpret your partner’s comment “You’re acting strange” as an accusation of being unfaithful. They’re actually asking why you have been so quiet the last two days.

Try to pause whenever you can and observe a conversation or situation as it is. Also, pay attention to your insecurities, assumptions, and ask yourself: Is X true? Try to forget about the notion that you know your S.O. is feeling, says Gillihan. Without asking them, you won’t know the truth.

3. You should not be judging each other.

Judging: relationship advice

“Judging” is probably the most offensive thing to do, at least when it comes to relationships. Gillihan says that it creates an injustice, a feeling that something should be different. Most of the time, however, the verb’s occurrence is an expression of a person’s wish or preference and not a fact.

If you don’t believe in fate, it’s a good idea to trust that your partner did the right thing because that’s how the universe worked (for reasons beyond our knowledge). It’s fine if you don’t believe in fate. However, reframe your mindset to help you get rid of any bitterness or anger. You can express your desire by saying “I wish you could be home sooner so we could spend more quality time together” or “I’d love it to help more with the dog.

It’s possible to debate a “should,” but it’s difficult to argue with a “wish.”

4. Shut up and listen.

Shut up: relationship advice

You think that you listen to your partner, but…

Listening can be a verb. It is not passive “you’re speaking and I’m not” activity. To truly listen to the thoughts and feelings of another person, you must silence your own thoughts.

“Everyone desires to be heard but a lot couples don’t feel heard over time, which can lead to a lot more problems,” Rachel Sussman LCSW, a NYC relationship psychotherapist. While it is important to be heard, you must first listen. ”

(Sussman’s suggestion)? Once your partner has shared their feelings, you can then repeat to them what they are saying. Next, ask your partner if they feel heard. Are you able to feel understood? If they don’t, ask them to help you understand what they are saying.

And remember this: Even though you may not agree with your partner’s feelings, you should validate them. Although you are two completely different people with different perspectives and experiences, it is possible to see eye-to–eye. However, if you want your relationship grow, you need to always, always tell your partner that you don’t think they’re wrong for feeling the way you do.

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5. Find opportunities to express sincere thanks.

thank you: relationship advice

Research has shown that gratitude is key to a happy and fulfilled life.

Take a moment to think about it. Relationships are hard work. Not being acknowledged for your efforts can lead to feeling unappreciated or even resentful.

So pay attention to moments when your partner does something kind and selfless for you and say thank you. Recognize things they might not expect you to mention, such as picking up their favorite wine on the way home or making quinoa for them instead of their preferred rice.

Gillihan says that saying thank you can make a big difference and has a reciprocal effect. Meaning: Show more gratitude to your bae, and they will likely do so towards you, amplifying the loving feeling.

6. When life gets crazy, partner up.

Couple hands

Sussman says, “When we are overwhelmed, we often bring very little to our relationships.” Your partner may not be able to go to the Marvel movie on Sunday with you, or you might not even get to kiss them before going to bed because of how exhausted you are.

Preach!

“Ask yourself whether you are putting as much effort into your relationships as you do into your career, your exercise goals, or your friendships”

If you feel like work is heating up, tell your S.O. that you are going through a busy time and are worried about whether or not you will be able put the same energy into your relationship. How can I help this month? You might be able to reduce your social engagements and schedule breakfasts together, instead of missing dinners.

Sussman says, “Always question yourself if your relationship is putting in as much effort as your career, goals, and friendships.” Then, make adjustments as needed.

7. Make a calendar of shared goals.

Planner

Your partner may have goals and you have your own, but what about goals that you can both pursue together? To keep your bond strong, it’s important to see yourself achieving or doing something together, suggests WH advisor “Dr. Chloe”, PhD, a NYC-based clinical psychologist.

She says, “Create an itinerary for your financial, travel, and hobby goals.” (Like: Learn salsa in Japan and visit Japan. “This will help you see yourself together in the future, encourage discussion about lifestyle choices, remind you to support each other with accountability, and by building on each other’s momentum.”

Planning a future that includes babies and new homes can be a lot of fun. It can also help you get out of your daily grind.

8. Prioritize intimacy.

Intimacy

I’m not referring to sex, although that is an important part of a relationship. I’m referring to the intimacy that comes from physical touch, genuine eye contact, mutual smiling, and other small moments that make your heart sing.

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Sussman states, “These are the things which remind your partner that this is a partnership and that you chose them and are happy they did.”

Touch your S.O. When they make coffee, a quick hug around their waist works…just be sure not to make them spill!

If you notice that your site is declining, this could be the right time to stop and think about what’s going on. Sussman says. You may consider seeking out a couple therapist if you are unable to increase your own induction of this type intimacy. This can help you and your partner to identify the root causes.

9. Actively check in.

A girl in airport

Repeat after us: No matter how well you know someone, they won’t be able to understand what’s happening inside of your head at all. Don’t expect them…ever. Dr. Chloe says that you can save yourself some drama by speaking your mind after having had time to process and collect the information. (And I also co-sign).

They may not feel they’d be received well or that their voice would not lead to positive change.

Although it’s fine to have them be annoyed about you not being able to decide what you want for dinner, it’s not something you should do every day.

Do your part to make your S.O. You can open up and check in with them from time to time. Ask them in a casual, non-confrontational manner (perhaps while you’re driving): “How do you feel about us these days?” What could I do to help you more?

Sometimes, all it takes to make someone feel loved is for them to take a moment to ask.

10. Take the time to observe them.

Thoughtful reflection

A long-term, secure relationship (and marriage) is freaking amazing. However, this security comes at a price: how “used” you are to your partner. Gillihan says, “There comes a time when we look at a projection of the person or their memory, not what they are in 3-D at that point.” “That makes it easy to make assumptions about their future based on their past, not their present.

People, including yourself, change over time. It’s up to you to be able recognize this when you are with someone for the long-term. Take a moment to look at your partner with fresh eyes, whether it’s on your next date night or after they return from a run.

Consider three things that they did well recently and think of how you feel about them. You can also try to say, “I see” instead of “I love,” and watch their reaction.

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